quidam rocked

ok.
so i'm not a fan of circuses, clowns, painted faces, nor death-defying skills.
i mean, so what.
those performing troupes from china have such skill, and their performances come cheap.
cirque du soleil just wants to be special by charging sky-high prices so people will think they're damn high-class by going for their performances, right?
and saltimbanco bored me to death despite the great complimentary tickets i had, which entitled me to wine, hor d'oeuvres (woohoo! i know how to spell and pronounce that right, finally!), a door gift, free programme and... great seats.

maybe i'm at a different point in my life where i am appreciating different things.
or it's just quidam was excellent.
and the soundtrack! divine!
watch the clip!

quarter-century old

i am getting old.

the evidence:
feeling very very exhausted the next day, after rushing to meet a deadline and managine to sleep at 4.30am
(i could manage 2 entirely sleepless nights in a row just 5 years ago!)

the aches in my lower and middle back, and my shoulders
(i used to be the one doing all the massaging for others! now i'm the one screaming for immediate attention!)

looking in the mirror and discovering i have crinkly crows feet at the corners of my eyes when i laugh
(used to think crows feet were super sexy on guys...)

not remembering where i last put my handphone/house+car keys/sunnies/wallet, etc.
(i was the one helping my grandma find her reading glasses! my turn has come too soon!)

realising it's 2005 only about a month ago
(gee, it really didn't occur to me)

forgetting peoples' names the moment after being introduced, or remembering a reference
(most embarrassing. i will talk and talk and try to avoid saying his/her name.)

walking to my bedroom, opening the drawer, and then shutting it, forgetting what i wanted to take
(then i walk out to the hall and continue doing my thing and it suddenly hits me! i was going to bathe, and i had to take my towel! what the HELL was i even doing in the hall!?)

towelling dry my hair, then realising i hadn't washed off the shampoo
(i think my hair's too short... i didn't feel the shampoo there at all!)

super salty food as a result of adding salt twice while cooking
(i really couldn't recall if i did it the first time!)

i remember my childhood better than what i did the day before
(always laughed at my grandpa for not remembering what he had for lunch... now it's my turn.)

uh.... there's really much MUCH more, but i don't remember any more at the moment.

feline fetish

lazy cat at the window of a bookshop i passed by the other day. i grew up with cats all my life, and as a kid i used to pretend to be a cat too. the perils of being an only child: serious identity crisis. i'd stuff the tip of my school belt down the top of my shorts for a tail, and sit on my bum with my legs on either side and my hands in front and miao loudly at my grandma. she got pretty annoyed with me, of course.

did you know that a cat will almost never meow at another cat? that sound is reserved for humans?

i'd sun myself outside and roll on the ground with my other cats. and pretend to lick myself, though i couldn't reach very far. i'd try a bit of the canned food i fed them - very very fishy! i also shared my chocolate/strawberry/banana milk from school with them, which they licked from my hand.

did you know that a cat can't taste sugar nor salt?

when my cats came to me, i'd imagine they were telling me their stories or secrets, and i in turn told them mine. i'd follow them up the mango tree, and scratch myself climbing up the trunk and get bitten by the angry red ants. i'd walk and sit with them on the brick fence and watch the world go by, or peer into my neighbour's backyard. i'd hang out with my cats in the drain outside my house, and pick flowers for my scrapbook (very uncat-like!).

did you know that a cat is only 1 of 3 animals that walk by moving both left feet together, followed by both right feet? the other 2 animals being the camel and the giraffe.

these days i wish i could be an animagus so i can change my form when i'm sick of being a human. how very convenient it would be if i could turn into a cat and ignore submission deadlines, or take a swipe at the lecturers when they're being arrogant or unreasonable, or hiss at those weirdos on the street who pester me for money.

did you know that cats can predict earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and electrical storms?

or i can have an alternate career at the meteorological centre.

what to do with a $100 book voucher

the funny thing with getting a book voucher, is that i don't know what to get the moment i step into the bookstore. suddenly, all the books that seemed to entice me before are not so enticing anymore. maybe those books like playing hard-to-get with me. when i had no money, they all screamed for my attention. a friend mentioned sometime ago that it is NOT the love of money that is the root of evil... but the insatiable desire for it when you have none.

and since i wasn't able to find that elusive book to satisfy my intellectual cravings, i went over to the magazine section. picked up this mag. then saw this article on what to do when having a 1 night stand that you do not want to commit to. they were pretty sound suggestions i might add.

1. choose a total stranger
so the chances of you 2 running into each other again is minimised. less awkward that way.

2. do not exchange contact details
to prevent any further calls, or expectations on either part.

3. give yourself a fictitious name
and fabricate a happening story of your life while you're at it. this is really hard to do since i'm a lousy liar. can't do it to save my life.
hi, i'm stacey and i'm waitressing at that little cafe down little bourke street...
boring.
jennifer. i'm a pole dancing instructor...
sounds waaay too slutty. i shy.
i'm elaine. teaching english at college.
am getting images of preppy english teacher-turned-dominatrix in my head.
this is bad. i can't work out an alter ego.

4. do it in a hotel, or at her place
so if the sex is bad, there's always plush furnishing and pay-per-view tv to cushion any disappointment. and if at her place, at least it's not you who has to clean up. most practical tip of all.

5. leave before she wakes
despite wanting to melt into the sheets after all the acrobatics, sharing a coco pops breakfast the morning after while facing the girl you seduced last night will most definitely spoil the magic of the one nighter. so the taxi is always a call away.

i left the bookstore slightly wiser, though without buying anything.

my first time

i was nervous.

my palms were sweaty.

i tried to take deep breaths to reassure myself.

think: it won't hurt you. everything will be alright.

my supervisor smiled at me.

and introduced me to the rest of the 2nd and 3rd and 4th year students.

the hour had come. i resigned myself to my fate and gave the first lecture of my life today, as a guest lecturer in a series of "interior investigations" lunchtime lectures. if not for the $100 book voucher dangled in front of me, i would not have done it. the research and preparation took a full day, but the toll it took on my frazzled nerves told me on no uncertain terms that a life as a lecturer was NOT for me. somehow it felt different from giving the usual presentation to a panel of 4-5 critics... for the first time in my life, i felt at sea with the topic i was [supposedly] most familiar with.

but it was nice to get encouraging nods from the students. of course, there were those who fell asleep too. but at the end of it all, it was most heartwarming to get thanked personally by some of the students! sigh. i don't think i'd ever gone up to any lecturer to thank him/her... must not take lecturers for granted again. i wonder if it was difficult for any of my (previous and current) lecturers to get started on lecturing. there are some people with an innate love for teaching, and i am not one of them. it scares me that what i say/do might seriously fuck some people's minds up. i'm not ready for that kind of responsibility! i mean, my views do not represent what the rest of the world think, and especially with regards to subjective subjects such as design, it is dangerous for a student to implement a project thinking that it would please the lecturer.

as i am a popular girl, it was a busy day for me. i was also invited as a guest critique at one of the undergrad design studios. after years of being at the receiving end of sometimes-constructive criticisms, i was all prepared to be encouraging and receptive to the kids' ideas and thought processes. after 6 hours' worth of listening, digesting, analysing of concepts, we were all literally struggling to keep our attention focused on each of the 4 remaining students. i seriously had to dig deep within myself for something intelligent to say (cannot sia suay myself) and suggest to respond to each concept.

i have been at both ends of the spectrum within the space of a day: the critic who got critiqued.

remind me to thank the lecturers in my past and present who have shared their passion, knowledge and concepts with me. you have been under-appreciated for too long.

fatboy's here!

so far, we've painted the town red, spent more than $400 on food alone, bought more than $1,400 worth of stuff and used up more than half the tank of petrol in the car. and it's only his 3rd day here. that's my flatmate's bro. it's so good to have someone else from singas, bringing stories from home, talking cock and contributing to the greater variety of food we can order when we go out! very useful to have a big eater around, so i don't have to keep any leftovers too.

after being here for coming-to-3-months, the flatmate and i have been so starved of family that this was a welcome whiff of home that we've been missing so much. i never thought i was a homesick kinda person, until now. guess those 3-5 day camps in school didn't count at all. because one was still surrounded with friends (and the occasional enemy) and in a familiar environment. and then later on, there was always OBS that everyone raved about, that allowed even more contact with friends, with opportunities to make even more new buddies. still, that was at pulau ubin, and you knew you'd be going home in a matter of days.

being away to study is like a chalet-version of a training camp... i've always fantasized about going away to boarding school, thanks to enid blyton's mallory towers and st clare's series. both of which i used to own and read on an everyday basis. it was scary. i even looked on the map to find cornwall (that's supposedly where mallory towers is) and i planned what i'd wear to school, tried to learn lacrosse, pictured myself in the brown blazer worn by the schoolgirls, and looked forward to french lessons with the madamoiselles. and midnight feasts. and tricks to be played on unsuspecting teachers. so different from boring ol' chinese lessons and 40-odd students in the classroom of the 1980's. and now, we've got the harry potter phenomenon to fantasize about. cloaks and wands and pets allowed on school grounds, owls to send your letters and parcels, house elves to supply endless feasts and a library to quench all manner of academic thirst. and all those school rules to be broken.

i wish studying abroad is half as fun as all that. but with freedom and independence come responsibilities. so i am having the time of my life, and bringing fatboy around to the max.

people of life

on the tram today, i managed to get a seat near the door. at the next stop, this girl got into the tram and stood right in front of me. i was in a dilemma as to whether i ought to have given up my seat to her, as i thought she was pregnant. then on second look, i think she was just plump. but she was wearing a maternity-like, pink, flowy top over her pants. her face looked slightly bloated due to water retention or something. so. it was hard to tell. really hard. i mean, it would've been quite rude to offer her a seat, assuming she's pregnant when she really isn't, right? that would've been a downright insult. lose-lose situation there, i'd say.

it's not that i have something against fat people. i don't. i find love handles really sexy. but some of the lipid-endowed girls/women over here are really pushing it. it's one thing to be confident of yourself: self-esteem is definitely an attractive trait. knowing your limits is another. knowing what accentuates your best features need not necessarily mean going out and buying that revealing top you saw the other day in the magazine.

am especially amused by real-life "translations" of how a human Barbie doll would look like. i forget the exact vital stats, but it would translate roughly to a woman too tall, with boobs waaaay too huge, a waist waaaaay too tiny and an oversized hip. disproportionate. or like how those kawaii manga girls with eyes-the-size-of-half-their-faces, long slender limbs and triangle noses would scare the hell outta me if i were to meet a person in real life with such features. that blue little boy from ju-on will freak me out less than a waif with an MJ nose and giant sparkling eyes (with long lashes too!) reaching from her forehead to halfway down her cheek.

people are different, and no one should need to feel compelled to look a certain way in order to accomplish what they'd set out to do. i think it's good that there are now ads featuring "ugly" people, like benetton ads, or some aired on tv. it's sad how people make themselves the judges of acceptability/beauty.

i didn't give up my seat in the end. in future, i'll only ever give up my seat to old folks, or to obviously pregnant ladies, just so not to accidentally offend anyone.

things that make me happy

the weather has been good lately, and i could not procrastinate doing the laundry any longer, as i was running out of clean underwear. the sight that was to greet me as i hung the clothes out to dry was nonetheless amazing. 2 weeks' worth of colourful panties!

washing and drying all those clothes made me very happy, for some reason. and the feeling i get when i finish cleaning and scrubbing the toilet and bathtub! ah bliss! maybe i am a homemaker at heart. other things that make me giddy with happiness:

clear blue skies, warm sun and crisp cold air
ay, i'm getting closer to happiness as summer draws itself into autumn. it makes me think of going outdoors, driving with the windows down, yelling inane things out of the windows and then having some warm nourishing food (like stew or hainanese chicken rice!).

new sketchbooks/journals
for some reason i almost never get to fill the last few pages of a current sketchbook, in my haste to embrace the exciting possibilities of the new one. the old sketchbook held so many of my ideas, thoughts and feelings, but with the new one, it's like having a new lover with new things to fulfil.

a whole bunch of colours
very visual. like, the feeling i get when i'm at a florists', or looking at fruit in the market, or markers in an art supplies shop. and gummy candy! gummy worms and gummy bears! hell, it could even make a monochromatic person happy for awhile.

furry pets
the warm-blooded kind that gets me all tingly inside when i hug them... dogs and cats especially. hamsters are too small. and rabbits don't like to be carried, i read somewhere. i want to take my pet on car rides to the beach! to the countryside! to the cafe!

notes in the mail
lately, these one or two years, my new year's resolution has been to write more to friends, to keep in contact through snailmail. haven't been able to achieve this til this year, when i'm abroad and away from most of the people i have been close to. it's a nice surprise to receive letters and small gifts from them in the mailbox, and the bills and junkmail seem to fade into oblivion.

breakfast
of toast, sausages, baked beans, scrambled eggs (or half-boiled with soy sauce!) and tea. usually the time of breakfast is lunchtime for me. but i'll be in a better mood throughout the day if the first meal is done right! the smell alone is enough to get me out of bed, and it helps if i haven't got school for that day too! back in singas, i used to lurrrve a late breakfast at the market, or at cafe cartel's with its free-flow coffee/tea with friends!

decorating my own space
being a messy person (read: hoarder), my domain gets stuffed with too much unnecessary junk which i collect with the thought of turning it into something pretty when i'm free. it almost never happens, but i like a cosy, warm space to live and breathe and work and cook and create in. so i try to make it that way. a few good sites i keep visiting for ideas are apartment therapy, design sponge and shoestring decorator.

good music
usually involving a cello in some way. or a piano. or a HUGE orchestra, wagner or holst-style. or occasionally, the noise of marilyn manson, NIN and green day clear the head. or ben folds, the whitlams or even jay chou.

comics/graphic novels
gaiman's sandman series comes to mind immediately. and japanese manga like slamdunk, ranma and dragonball: i own the entire sets! it is easier for me to follow a story in pictures. serious. unless i absolutely have to read a text, like for research purposes, i normally find it hard to channel enough concentration to follow a written story through to its end. the few exceptions are the harry potter series, and the daVinci code.

octopussy

i've never seen a real life octopus. nor a whole, dead one (those baby fried-and-crunchy ones don't count). not even at the fresh seafood stalls at the markets. i like to know how the animals i'm eating look like when they're alive. chicken (and all other fowl), cows, pigs, seafood, etc.

oh. we were on the subject of roadkill just the other day, and a friend was saying how his friends ran over a kangaroo once, promptly got off their 4WD, carried the carcass into the vehicle and brought it home where they skinned and consumed it! weird how a "national" animal becomes a meal on the table. wonder if anybody eats wombats or koalas...

at prime poseur paradise, chapel street today. this place has EXCELLENT food, especially octopus in lemon oil! could've just died and gone to heaven and came back for just for the next bite!

creepy crawler

eeps. congratulate me. i've got myself a stalker.

here i am, at the public library, browsing some of the periodicals, and this fat bloke starts talking to me.

fat bloke: hey... weren't you at the cafe over at oakleigh?

(that's 2 suburbs away from where i stay. they've got a smashing greek cafe with a scrumptious selection of desserts, coffee and gelato)

spyda: err. i think you've got the wrong person.

FB: it was you. i recognise your hair. you were there with 2 other girls and a guy over the easter weekend.

S: oh...! yeah. you were there too??

FB: yeah i wanted to come over to say hi, but you girls left soon after.

S: well, hi!

FB: *sticks out hand* my name's john.

S: hi. spyda. *sticks out hand reluctantly* hey, i've got some books i need to look up. see ya around, k?

so i quickly walked off to my design/philosophy section. i walked blindly. i was still shaken by the encounter. and i found myself somehow at the travel section instead. so i stopped to take a look at the travel books anyway. to calm myself down.

and.he.appears.in.my.face.again.

FB: oh, i like to travel. i'm thinking of selling my house for a bit and going elsewhere.

S: that's great! (in my heart: yay! get faaaar away from me.)

FB: so. do you live alone? what do you do on weekends? pubs? dancing?

S: nah... i stay with a housemate. we don't go out much on weekends. (like hell i'm going to let you know where i go lor!)

FB: we should exchange phone numbers. always good to have friends! and i could come over to your place, or you and your housemate could come to mine.

S: *peng san* @_@""

- - - - - - -
shall not continue this horribly arduous exchange any longer.
but later on, after i managed to worm my way out of the situation (and out of the library as well), there he was again, standing in front of me at the supermarket! grrr.... had to have some inane conversation about cooking at home or doing takeouts since he stayed alone. desperate, man!

so i left in a hurry. checked no one was following me to my car. even contemplated tearing out my car license plate number temporarily. and i locked the car door immediately and sped off.

*shudders* i hope he doesn't ever cross my path again.

strappleberry cupcakes!

made use of the yummy freshly picked strawberries to make cupcakes. all hail my virgin efforts at baking in melbourne!

here are the ingredients (see? i can remember them offhand! cuz they're insanely easy to make!)
makes 24 drool-worthy cupcakes
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 eggs
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 cups sugar (i used caster sugar)
1/2 cup shortening (or veg oil)
1 cup fresh strawberries, diced and mixed with 3 tbsp sugar
1/4 apple, diced
it helps to have a cake mixer. but it's ok to hand-whisk it too. i did. *pant pant*

step 1
mix flour, baking powder, sugar and cinnamon.

step 2
in separate bowl, beat eggs, shortening and fruit together. don't mash up the fruits! leave fruity bits visible!

step 3
go preheat the oven to 175degC.

step 4
pour in the flour+etc. mixture bit by bit into the eggy mixture. whisk thoroughly.

step 5
now dollop the mixture into the cute little paper cupcake "cups". fill to HALF, or the mixture will expand and drip onto the oven and you'll have a headache cleaning up!

step 6
stick 'em in the oven for about 15-20 mins, or until a satay stick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

step 7
take them out to cool, and TUCK IN!!!
oh, this is also where you can put some decoration/icing/whipped cream/chocolate bits etc. on the tops!
but i couldn't be bothered.
the whole house smelled too good!

taDAH! all done within the hour! can go impress friends! :)

i want a baby. now.

there's this symptom usually found in mammals, where the female displays [psychological and outward] signs of pregnancy: making a nest, bloating, fuller boobs, preparing for the baby, etc. but she is NOT preggers.

of late, i have been lurking outside pet shops, and at the pet section of the supermarkets, looking at different kinds of dog food, cat food and pet toys. and dog leashes. and feeding bowls. and even birdseed. but i HAVEN'T got a pet!

miss my cats back at home... all 4 of them.

growing up, i had a menagerie of dogs, cats, rabbits, birds, terrapins, hamsters, white mice, fish and guinea pigs. being an only child has its perks. and now i'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms from pets. but i know that it is SO bad to leave a pet at the lodge, or have to trouble friends to take care of it for me when i return home during summer break. how????! i can't decide on what kind of pet i should have, that's suitable for apartments! maybe a salamander, or iguana? or hamster?

i need a baby pet. one i can hold and hug and dote on NOW. :(

strawberry fields forever!

drove for 1 and a 1/2 hours down south to mornington peninsula to pick strawberries today! lalala... i'm a happy girl: easily satisfied with the simple things in life! nice big red juicy ones hanging from their stalk on the plant! the whole car smelled so good on the way back! (do NOT mispronounce it as store-berry to me. ever. grr.) strawberries are my new favourite fruit!!! :) i've not had a favourite fruit since secondary school, coming to think of it. it was watermelon back then. can't believe it's been such a long time since i've had a favourite fruit!

drove past acres and acres of vineyards and apple/cherry farms along the way. my dream to live on, and own a farm has been rekindled! on my farm, i want an orchard with apples, peaches, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, citrus-y fruit like lemons, grapefruit and oranges. and also a pumpkin patch! and i want cows. and sheep. and lots of happy frisky dogs! and about 4 fat and lazy cats roaming around the house! no chickens, please... i'll have a heartache if they get bird flu. but i'd like some ducks and a nice little pond.

later, was at my friends' place for a housewarming/birthday party and their place was a.w.e.s.o.m.e.! it was a nice cosy little place with wooden flooring, and a tiny living/dining area, lovely spaced-out 2nd floor with bedrooms, and a most exquisite little attic with a skylight. *swoons* at st kilda's too, right by the beach! and their rent is really reasonable too! they were really lucky to come by this place! and as usual, there was loads of booze. :) and loud spanish music since most of those angmohs were either mexican, spanish or columbian. or aussie of course. my first house party here!

so. the best way to eat the strawberries are to dip them in caster sugar. seriously. it gets really addictive.
strawberries are my new favourite fruit! :D