How do people get to that stage in life, and still live it with so much zest and love for life and their partners?
A puzzle and an inspiration, that surely is.

It's Boxing Day - Saturday. The air outside my window, the one facing my churchie-youth-group neighbours' house is thick with BBQ-induced smoke. Half the Youth Group must've been invited to the after-camp get-together at their place today. It's a bit odd peering out my window and catching sight of some of those kids we used to take care of at children's camp all grown up now. Sometimes, I miss me summa' those days: of laughs, friends, acquaintances and small talk, and just bein' and chillin' at someone else's parents' house.

When you're at the end of the road,
And you've lost all sense of control,
And your thoughts have taken their toll,
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul.

Your faith walks on broken glass,
And the hangover doesn't pass,
Nothing's ever built to last,
You're in ruins.

We go our separate ways in the same direction.

Thanks, green day and sara bareilles.

"Being alert is something important. Alert in the sense of letting our senses have a strong presence in our lives. When we go too fast we miss a lot because we don't let our senses absorb what's happening around us and within us. If we learn how to keep an alert mind then we become more sensitive to those little things that could build up in some areas of our lives and hurt us later."
- Elsa Mora

My work desktop's an unholy mess, but I somehow am able to recall where everything is kept.
Organised chaos is a metaphor for my life, and for the inside of my mind.

Thanks for those words, Elsita.
I shall always strive to notice things, my surroundings and others' reactions, and to be alert.

Oh no someone help me please I am so hooked on Poker Face.
There's a danger in loving somebody too much.
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

I'd previously only heard of Ira Glass, his name rang a bell, only sorta. Watching this video for the first time not only comforted me - it was a wake up call to Not! Give! Up! . To some extent, it also felt like my mediocrity was validated, justified, almost. But then again, now I know who Ira Glass is. Nosso bad.

After months of thinking about abandoning Interior Design, or Design in general, and after a long chat with M, I've come to realise it's not about not doing Design. In fact, Design will most probably be the passion of choice - that was a really odd mix of words, passion of choice. Hmm. Rather, it is, perhaps, about not being stuck or sucked into an office environment and allowing yourself to get too comfortable there.

So. Always a nod to discomfort. To not wanting to be here, but there. To casting around. To saudade.

Have been entertaining thoughts of becoming a butcher in my next job. Have been very drawn to the idea of machismo, the sensitivity and the delicateness of wielding a cleaver and providing choice cuts and a general sense of well-being to customers.