no need for aeroplanes

she arrived at 4am.
cons is here!
got caught on a bloody speed camera, i think.
somewhere on st kilda's road.
driving at 80kmh at 4am is not, like 120kmh!
bloody hell.
we went back and slept til 2pm.
and we drove up to the dandenong ranges for brunch.
sweet shop!
chilled at home, and had dinner at midnight.
i tried to get some work done for next week's review til 3am.
man, i am SO jetlagged even without having to get up a plane.

passing that musical baton

i was never very much into athletics in school, and i hated the relay race as i always felt this deep sense of obligation (not so much to myself, but to my teammates) that i wasn't the one slowing the team down.

nevertheless, i loved this analogy back in JC that some of my friends on the track and field team made of this nerdy guy from a few science classes away. don't recall his name now, but remember him sporting nerdy specs and a pair of running shorts that never quite seemed to fit properly somehow. he was a fast runner, but ran in such a manner that, i quote, "if you stick a pencil in his ass and put a piece of paper outside, you'll get foolscap paper."

this musical baton thingy ah... was passed to me both by anna and LMD! wah, call me ms popular!

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Total volume of music files on my computer
712MB - 100 songs. 7.3 hrs playtime.
paisay... i used to have 300-odd songs on my old PC back in the days of Napster and kazaa! now i just listen to CDs and don't bother loading the songs onto the 'puter first.

The last CD I bought was
Ben Folds Five: The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner

Song playing right now
Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me
Endless Rain - X Japan
(memories of angsty days in art college)

Losing My Religion - REM
(my 'rebel' stage)

Elgar's Cello Concerto in Eminor, op85 - Jackie Du Pre with Philadelphia Orchestra conducted by Daniel Barenboim
(makes me tear whenever i hear this. a mix of emotions well up.)

Romeo - Basement Jaxx
(my get-into-the-mood fix)

This Is The New Shit - Marilyn Manson
(best song for designing stuff)

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
His Reason
One Little Twit
Narcissistic Mao
Fat Fingers
adinahaes

about piercings

prior to leaving the shelt'ring walls of home back in singas, i wanted to get a nose-ring to commemorate the occasion. and i thought i'd look damn design-ah with my black-rim specs and black clothes and cool nose-ring.

now, i'm not a person who yearns for pain, nor a believer that pain is something that makes things 'real'. whatever. pain is bad when it comes in the physical form of injection needles, headaches, pen-knife cuts, etc. it's good, however, when it gets rewarded with pleasure, like seeing the blood on the piano keys at the end of rachmaninov's technically demanding second piano concerto, or something. maybe S&M. but i digress.

piercings. i was 15 when i finally decided to get my ears pierced for the first time. my mom wasn't the traditional kind so i never had the privilege of having ear-rings without remembering the pain as a toddler. it was at a sterile goldsmith shop somewhere at thomson plaza that i sat in trepidation, awaiting that force that would drive the studs into my virgin ear-lobes. amazingly, it was over before i knew it. i have a high threshold for pain, no? but til today, i still only have 1 set of ear-piercings to show for my amazing threshold.

at 15 onwards, most girls would be heading for multiple piercings on their ear cartilege, tongues, lips, navel or eyebrow. many of my friends sported at least 2 of the above simultaneously. and still others had their nipples pierced. and also where the sun don't shine. she said it finally felt worthwhile running for the bus!

what held me back from more piercings was that i was a wuss afraid of stories that had circulated by then, that some freak piercings on the ear cartilege damaged the nerves and led to deafness, or blindness. as a person whose lifelihood depended upon hearing and sight, i steered clear of more piercings on any part of the ear. but on the nose! ah, only a nose-ring would do. not a nose-stud. and definitely not a gold nose-stud, or else i will definitely be mistaken for an ah-neh with my dark complexion!

checking out cool places to perform the deed, i came across this newly set-up (and thus quite sterile-looking) place at queensway shopping centre. but i chickened out the price put me off. at $11 for a blunt pierce using the gun (blunt, hence going to hurt a hell of a LOT more), and $45 for a sharp-pierce (done using a much sharper tool, so there's less pain), i just wasn't ready to part with the cash for the pain-free encounter.

so i came to melbs without my cool nose-ring. slowly i came to terms with my nose-ringless existence, reasoning that it was more hygienic that way, without having to bother about a foreign object in my nose everytime i wipe my snot. my nose gets runny in cold weather. and i did not have to worry about the nose-ring accidentally hooking onto my sweaters/tshirts everytime i changed. and if i ever fell asleep on my face, i would not find a ring imprinted on the side of my nose when i awoke. and i could indulge in squeezing the white/blackheads pore refining without as much trouble.

but guess what? as fate would have it, in one of the main streets of the city, just 100m away from my university, there is a shop specialising in body piercings. might just go in there one day and do it!

rick parents = spoilt kids?

of late, the flatmate has been addicted to this show, Super Nanny, showing on Nine. nope, nothing like fran drescher, with adorable kids and a very single and available dad, but i'd agree that it's a pretty good watch, almost as intriguing as Desperate Housewives. haha.

last night's show involved a pair of stressed-out parents trying to discipline their more-than-2-person's-handfuls' worth of 4 kids. all hyperactively RUDE little boys. one would spit in the mom's face while she was talking to him, and when she wiped the spit off, he's kick her in the shin. another 4-5yr old would give her the middle finger... and they're as disrespectful to their dad as well. and in the end, the dad gets mad with the mom for not being 'good' enough. and there's this turmoil going on within the family. and they never get to school on time since each kid is obstinate enough to want his own way at any one point in time.

rather than recoil in horror and sheer disgust at these parents and swear i will n.e.v.e.r.E.V.E.R. have kids (as i would usually do), Super Nanny takes it all in stride and helps these parents out by suggesting ways to discipline their little horrors, and regaining some form of mutual respect. you must be thinking, "why don't the parents just cane the naughty kids, just like we were caned last time? that left a pretty indelible mark in our minds and taught us to become the good, nice and charitable people we now are!" well, apparently corporal punishment is frowned upon over here, and you could be severely reprimanded for child abuse even if the primary objective was to discipline your kid!

now, the funny thing is, as they always show the little tykes (not just boys - spoilt little girls are frequently monstrosities as well!) being the tyrants of their own homes, and the poor frazzled parents just sitting amidst the chaos wondering where they had gone wrong (everywhere, you twits!), i notice that their house is nearly always a nice big one. sometimes there's a swimming pool out at the back. many times, there are nice paintings on the wall, and a biggish screen tv in the den. and more often than not, many bedrooms. are these rich parents who spoil their kids too much, such that the kids don't know the limit to their generosity? maybe so. often, the kids have no interest in their mountains of toys, preferring to terrorize *each other* instead. (ha. now i know why i was an only child!)

often, the existence of dumb parents unable to restrain their kids amuses me, but riles the flatmate to no end. the contempt is written all over her face - it is pretty priceless to watch, if the scenario does not directly relate to you (ie. it is somebody else's kid you're watching on tv, not a crying toddler just at the next table). yes, i agree that there should be compulsory courses on "how to win your 15-mth-old in a screaming match", or "how to stop your 6-yr-old from using the expletives he heard on tv on daily conversations directed at you". that sorta thing. sometimes this parenting thing does not come naturally the intended target group, so it has to be added in the form of weekly 2-hr sessions. just like how, back at home, the gahmen is finally realising that not all people who hire foreign workers as domestic maids have the capability to treat them with respect, and are now encouraging these employers to go for lessons before hiring.

something about not having a kid if you're not going to spend time controlling it. or a dog, for that matter.

thankfully, the slot for Super Nanny doesn't clash with Desperate Housewives, which i am desperately trying to follow. ooh la la, i am *so* good at recognising who's who, remembering who did what, and following these soapies.

sure, i'd love to!

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: INTP

The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #4 Match: ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

while these quiz results are pretty general, still, it's nice to have something to fall back on, or refer to once in a while. as we get caught up with inane stuff like typing endless reports, doing readings to the point of forgetting what the subject matter is, or walking aimlessly down the aisles to the photocopier, these character-bits still remind us of stuff we'd like to do, or could do with our lives.

because life is short.
because routine can blind, and turn you numb.
because sometimes your comfort zone is the easiest but most banal place.
because even the most motivated person is still human.
because we all die.
because lately, you have realised time is moving forward at an amazing rate.
because it is too easy not letting go.
because voids are painful in the end.

why must i?

my poster for the upcoming Graduate Research Weekend.

no, i am not getting cold feet at the thought of having to defend my ideas whilst being shot at by a panel of strangers. they claim to be masters in their field, but they have not been following my progress/process. they don't even know me! like how we (me and fellow coursemates) like to put it, it's like monsters taking ruthless stabs at the beginning-to-emerge concepts we have been nursing during the months of development/gestation.

of late, thoughts of postgrad research being an over-hyped activity have been loitering in the voids of my mind - void because i can't think of anything else when i think of presenting my work to a panel in order for it to be shot down, in front of a public audience. why is design/architecture one of the few non-examinable areas where the accepted way of assessing the work is to 'test' it through performance? what is it in the practical aspects of design that makes me keep going back to the torture that is a 'critique session'? i thought i'd had enough of such abuse when i brought home my 1:100 model of a train station at the end of the honours programme...

i do not articulate myself clearly on paper, neither do i think well on my feet. i rue the day a decision was made to return to an academic, over-theorizing, justified-by-precedents way of life. and it seemed like such a good idea at that time, too.

the joys of suburban living

having been brought up in the tiny, somewhat secluded neighbourhood of serangoon gardens, i spent my youth as a proverbial kampung kid swinging on my grandma's gate and watching the world go by, cycling around the neighbourhood catching tadpoles and fish from the drains, crawling in the grass looking for insects and bringing my neighbour's 2 puppies around in the insides of our tshirts as we cycled around. that sorta thing. so i have nothing but affection for the suburbs when i got my ass down to melbs.

my housemate, on the other hand, was a so-called city kid, brought up in the tiong bahru of the 80's. being very much a citizen of the concrete jungle, her closest encounters with nature were with the neighbourhood kids at the downstairs-playground. the fact that we could hear crickets chirping as the evening set in, and that there were no street-lights at certain stretches of the roads ("wahlau! this is like driving interstate in malaysia!") was a constant source of irritation when we first settled down at our current place.

why i love my apartment in the suburbs!

it takes a 35-minute train ride to get me to my uni in the city
the sign at the train station says 28-minutes. totall bull. but the time in the train gives me a chance to think, zone out or catch up on readings. i can spend close to $150 on transport each month, and many a time, it's slightly irritating when the train gets itself delayed or cancelled. still, i appreciate the 'entrance' to the city, as opposed to 'being' in the city all the time. the separation of both places gives me a better understanding of their differences, and i start to see and appreciate BOTH the suburbs and the city for what they are.

i am just across the street from monash
their library is waaayyyy huger and better-stocked than rmit's, even in the design/archi/philosophy section. but the drawing point is its collection of music: scores and recordings and books on analysis. and parking's free after 4pm! what's not to like?! i could spend a full day there and still find the need to go back the next day!

i can see the dande ranges from my balcony
so it's much colder than in the city. well, by 1-2ºC at least, but the chill-factor of the wind (usually it gets windy near a mountain, doesn't it?) makes it worse. coming from a singapore-kid who brings a jacket along even to borders, i have recently taken to layering. yep. that's the way, i tell ya! looking like an eskimo in my own home with 4 layers, a beanie and a scarf, typing out my proposals. and it's only autumn. am trying to ration and save the use of the heater for winter.

stuff is cheaper down here
hardly buy anything from the city anymore. when we first arrived, vicmart's was the place to go to for 'cheap' fresh produce. but it's only cheap when you go near closing time, when the vendors want to get rid of stock. or if you're really lucky. here in the 'burbs where there are sprawling malls, cheap fruit stalls and horrible-but-cheap clothes boutiques, you can sit at a cafe sipping that soy latte without being assaulted by the dust and grime of pollution. decent meals cost just a fraction of city-prices. it helps that rental is much lower here, too.

it's easy to find parking
qn: what's worse than the long drive to the city? ans: the parking. those 1/2-hour, 1-hour parking limits in the city just stress the hell outta me. i will never again complain about having to use parking coupons (and the subsequent aunty-mary visits that go hand-in-hand with public parking back home). and finding a lot in the city is just close to impossible. once, i *thought* i had reached parkville campus with 20-mins to spare, but just going round looking for a space to park had made me 15-mins late for a lunchtime concert. how unfair is that! madness! so unless i'm heading for the city towards evening time, i have resolved to sit, stone and read in the rickety ol' train.

the weirdos here are milder than those in the city
being approached for money constituted one of the major culture shocks i received during the first week i got here. i mean, sitting at a corner and begging is fine, and i'd usually drop a coin in the can. but the in-ya-face thingy just freaked me out completely. i once got reprimanded by this drunk for NOT giving him money! gosh. i swear these things only happen to me. have since learnt to keep my mouth shut and ignore them. and avoid them whenever possible.

i have a place to return to at the end of the day
i'd imagine living in the city would provide me no reprieve even at the close of the day. somehow, being able to retreat from the city makes it more manageable. and on somes days, i find that i totally cannot handle being in the city for a moment longer than i have to. as a result, excuses are made for not going to the city (and thus skipping class) in order to find my inspiration at the library, or at home. being *that* much closer to the vineyards down on mornington peninsula helps, too! :)

i kinda like being away from the hustlebustle, perils and pollution of the city. sure, all the cool cafes and great bistros are there, but i can always go there to enjoy these treats, and still have the safety and comfort of a quiet place to return to at the end of it all.

mama knows best

clean forgot about mothers' day until i saw the chocolates/flowers/food processors/kitchen utensils that had come out at various shop windows in a bid for kids to splurge on their moms. why are moms always getting the same-old same-old each year? it's as if those gifts are an affirmation that moms' places are in the kitchen or something.

talking to N yesterday, i found out she'd bought her mom a brand new tiny li'l car (a metallic blue bubble of a toyota echo, which i've been eyeing too!) and she'd taken over the 20-yr-old toyota seca that her mom used to drive. i'm sure her mom appreciated that. of course, it helps to be in oz, where cars are a cheap and necessary form of transport! way to go, N.

i'm not sure what i could get for my mom this year, with her in taipei with my dad and myself stuck here down under's. in search for a meaningful gift-from-far-away, i think the gift that she would most appreciate is something that she already has.

no. i'm not talking about myself.

well, it could be an arrow pointing in the direction of my dad... but only in part.

i think that, ever since i left her side, she has been able to really blossom and take on a more light-hearted approach to life. the shy, timid person she has always been in making way for a new, more gregarious woman who has grown wiser from her past. in a way, i feel i've been hampering her development in this area all along, just by selfishly being there. all my coaxing of "go out, meet up with your old friends from school!" have finally taken root, and my mom's coming out of her shell and trying out new things. i'm SO proud 'a her! being amongst her tai-tai or 'auntie' friends have done marvellous things to her self-esteem, and i grin like anything whenever i hear of her escapades on our fortnightly 1-hour phone catch-up sessions.

and now that my dad's stationed in taipei, my dear ol' mom's going up north every so often and trying out stuff on her own. instead of thinking that she's been left all alone in singapore by the immediate members of her family, she has become stronger and more resilient with her endlessly cheerful outlook. no complaints, only encouragement. that tech-savvy woman is armed with that Creative MuVo, sony ericsson P910 handphone-pda thingy, and her fujitsu lifebook (ok, so i'm not a techie person... i dunno what model/specs, or the proper name). what do you say to a woman, so up to date with her gadgets, sitting outdoors at a cafe coolly sipping her mocha mint macchiato? equally at ease with my dad's uppity business associates, and with my chill-out gang of friends at home? and then she goes home and tends to my grouchy old grandfather and takes all his nonsense in her stride.

and there she is, offering great advice to me when i'm stuck. we haven't really been very close as mother-daughter per se, but it's been much easier these past few years, to share. guilty of shunning her advice in the past, i now realise [how cliche] but valuable and well-meaning she has been. i've been a sufferrer of prolonged teenage angst, and i can see how it has affected my mom as well. her major bout of illness (involving 2 rounds of unconsciousness and 2 hospital stays) in the past 2 years have weakened her physically, though not at all mentally. and i was reminded again NEVER to take her for granted.

so, mom, thanks for 26 years of support and unconditional friendship. i know i've been a difficult one to handle, forever being stubborn and aloof. i love you, and through countless disappointments, i'm so grateful that you still don't hate me. can't wait for you to visit in june!

Indeterminacy . text -by john cage

David Tudor
gives the impression
of not being overly fond of
mushrooms.
But one night he had
two helpings of morels
and then
finished the dish completely,
including the juice.

The next
afternoon while he was shaving
I read out loud the following
quotation from Leonardo da Vinci:

"Lo!
Some there are who can call
themselves nothing more than a passage
for food,
producers of
dung,
fillers up of
privies,
for of them
nothing else appears in the world
nor is there any virtue in
their work,
for
nothing of them remains
but full
privies."

David Tudor said,
"Perhaps they were good Buddhists."

sweet dreams are made of these

as a kid, i was only allowed 2 sweets a day by my mom. since i was looked-after in the daytime by my grandma, i usually bolted as many as i could, even without my grandma's knowledge.

i remember my favourite magnolia (or meadow gold?) pop-up ice cream as a kid, where one's rate of eating was NOT determined by the rate of melting. being the slowest eater of all time, i usually ended up with only about 30% of a popsicle while the rest melted/evaporated into the sweltering heat of singapore.

sweets are different from food, obviously, in a separate category on its own. it could be a reward, or an incentive, or a gift for various occasions (or for no special reason at all!). was very taken in by these sweets developed by a group of students in germany. especially noobs (pictured above) and pop-ups.

now, i've got a soft spot for sweets/ice-creams that are made to look like something else. or too decorated. i mean, it's one thing to be hungrily devouring a bar of fruit-and-nut choc, but it's another to be biting savagely at the head of a chocolate easter bunny, or tearing a gummy bear apart, or gnawing at the tails of sugar mice. sometimes if a sweet looks too pretty, consuming it would be a difficult task indeed!

when will they ever learn

we were sixteen.
young, carefree and eager to be out on our own.

the whole group of us had decided to watch a movie.
then trooped down to the beach.
bicycles, chats, salty sea air, games in a circle.
even the 100% computer-animated Toy Story was no match for the view of the setting sun.

we wandered further from the group.
'what do you want to do next time?'
'don't know'
'an architect'
'then i'll also be an architect...'
it had been a warm day.
the magnificence of the clouds and the golden rays made the silence a comfortable one.

today, the other one has become an architect.
and i am still admiring sunsets.