past the quarter-century mark, and still wondering

i may not own a ferragamo gown, but at least i've got that slim, lithe body that you'll only ever dream of having.

as an adolescent, i'd favoured the notion that i might be a prodigy at, aah, something. anything. whenever report cards were given out, i'd tell myself that flimsy subjects as physics and maths were not meant for me. i was special, just that i had not yet discovered what it was i was good at. i mean, how else could you explain the ease with which i could master a piece without much practice on the piano each week?

just think of all the things i have not been given the chance to try, like sailing! piloting an aircraft! horseback-riding! there certainly is a great mind-boggling amount of untapped potential! perhaps i really am exceptionally gifted at something, only i haven't had the chance to know it! the world might yet be presented with the most talented cellist! entering the classical music scene only at the mature age of 26! a true musical prodigy! the world applaudes!

sadly, i have been forced to accept the fact that i am, indeed, not... special. as time advances, there seems to be less and less to show for my belief in my own exclusive powers. resigned to live a life of mediocrity in a meritocratic society, i lurk in the dank alleyways with my slim, lithe body, darting green-eyed glances at those in their dolce and gabbana suits.

today sucked. a bit.

wanted to start with an expletive.
but.... ungh! i won't.
i had to pay a massive $275 to get my car un-impounded.
to add salt to the very raw wound (i had to walk 30mins to the pound! in the blistering cold!), the fine was very smugly collected by the attendant.

i'd driven to the city, for some reason, today. i seldom drive there, as parking is a bitch. in melbs, one does not simply place parking coupons and assume that one can park the vehicle for as long as one desires. there are 5min, 1/4hr, 1hr and 2hr limits on 90% of the public parking lots in metropolitan melbourne. failure to move your car before the time limit is reached could result in a $50 fine. no eyelids batted. and my my, they are vigilant over here. yes, in a way, it makes me miss the parking pontianaks of singapore's URA/LTA/HDB system.

got my car towed away today because i had not seen the tiny clearway-after-4pm sign way, waaaaaayyy above my head. it is bad to be vertically challenged. i'd gone to school to meet my supervisor at exactly 4pm, and emerged 3hrs later to find that my car had *vanished*. now, i have always had premonitions about parking tickets/fines, but only once did i remotely have a wave of fear over a towed-away car. and that hit me about 2 weeks ago. i promptly disregarded it when i saw my car sitting right where i left it. i swear, these premonitions are baaad stuff.

it was very fortunate indeed that i had not decided to go for dinner before collecting the car, as the pound closed at 8pm. and i wasn't about to blow $15 on cab fare for a 7min ride. not with the impending bombshell of the fine. it was just as well that it was a cold, drizzly night. i was fuming as i speed-walked to the other end of the city grid. if i'd gone for dinner, i would have to endure 2 40-minute train rides, 2 30-minute bus rides and 1 entire night+morning before i could see my beloved car again! yes, public transport in melbs is a pain in the ass too. almost everyone is very car-reliant.

on hindsight, as my lovely housemate has succinctly put it, it could have been worse.

nobody was hurt. we weren't involved in an accident. the fine was something i could afford (the sweet girl paid for dinner later... awww...). and as long as it could be settled with money, it is not all that bad. she said something in cantonese that meant something to the effect of you are paying in monetary terms to avoid a worser fate. my dialect is not all that powerful. an even though it was a costly lesson, i'd learnt. more power to me. just less money.

c'est la vie. it goes on.

and we managed to find a nice little chinese restaurant at box hill. with friendly wait-staff. and lovely taiwanese food. aah.

not so bad after all.

growing old, growing poor

while at the cashier of the supermarket the other day, i saw an old couple paying for their weekly groceries.

what i saw broke my heart.

as they transferred their items from the cart onto the conveyor belt, it became plain that they were not very well-off. in fact, many of the items were tagged with a big DISCOUNT sticker. over here, that means that, either the food is nearing its "use by" date, or there is some defect with it. at any rate, many of their items had the sticker: bread, yoghurt, butter, meat and even fruit. these are things, i would normally take for granted, that are hard to find. with the selective eye that comes with affluence, one gradually plays down on goods with the "buy cheap" stickers, or one would give the discount bins a miss.

over in australia, those on the dole as well as pensioners (i think) collect their money every wednesday. this means there are a lot more "rich" people midweek, spending on booze and well, other stuff. and i've seen many more families bringing their kids out for a meal at mcdonald's on wednesday. more than on any other day in the week.

the dignity of the old couple in paying for their weekly supplies reminded me of the importance of working hard and saving up. a frugal lifestyle could be a virtue. all too often i joke about retiring after my job as a student is done, just to get reminded by bank advertisements with questions like "How much does it take to retire?". the rat race exists so that people can make a living, and hopefully, scrape enough to get by for retirement.

i hope that, when i grow old, the "shit! is this all i have got left in my bank account?" thought will never have the chance to cross my mind. it is a very sobering thought, amidst the winter sales and the flurry of activity that comes with the adrenalin rush of a shopping spree. being self-righteous, i sometimes scoff at hearing of relatives/friends' relatives who blow entire amounts of their CPF savings on overtly extravagant, no holds barred trips to Las Vegas to gamble away the rest of the money, cruises, bungalows, golf club memberships, etc. like, hello? could you please invest or save at least 30% of it first? exercise some restraint, for goodness' sake!

growing old scares me. growing old and poor scares me even more. why do people even grow old??!

people should be born old, then grow young. think of how much more enjoyable life would be if we'd been born with knowledge and a wealth of experience. and struggled to grow into the prime of our career, never again to worry about the sickness that plagues old age? and for people who live a long time, their age would go into the negative integers! now that's a thought! :)

i bloody hate the cold!

ok forget i said anything about loving the weather. gray gray and more GRAY all day. frankly, it's depressing. one of the only joys i have left, is to sit in front of the heater and consume mandarin oranges. 'tis the season. for mandarin oranges and anything citrus, i think. they're selling it by the boxes at the markets. think i've had 6 oranges in one sitting already. help.

bad thing about the freaking cold: it takes me several minutes to gather the courage to take off my jammies and change into going out clothes.

good thing about the freaking cold: i can go out in my jammies, bra-less, and have no one notice! with baggy jeans pulled over my jammy pants and a thick wooly jacket thrown over, of course. taDAH! how's that for brilliance as a result of a real necessity?

went to the library and all the while i was very conscious of being bra-less. don't understand how these angmohs can do it.

fruit

just had a kiwi (the fruit, not the person from new zealand!) and it was sour as hell. it's been sitting on my kitchen shelf for the past oh, let's see, 2 to 3 weeks and still, it hasn't turned ripe. maybe the acids will help burn off some of the fats in my stomach? i wish. but this is a fact: the fruit is known as the kiwifruit, but the americans call it a kiwi.

and another fact: the kiwifruit is native to the yangtze river valley (northern china) and zhejiang province (eastern china)! missionaries brought these first seeds to middle earth aka new zealand at the turn of the last century. amazing, eh? i used to know someone whose favourite fruit was the kiwifruit. she'd sometimes buy it from the fruit stall at the nearby kopitiam where we used to have lunch, if she even had lunch that day. and her usual lunch consisted unvaryingly of curry chicken rice. how well does kiwifruit go with curry chicken?? hmm.

my favourite fruit used to be the watermelon. i'd have an entire half of it for lunch after school, and not be able to eat anything else for the rest of the day. but there was a long period of time when i stopped eating it. these days, i still like watermelon, but dragonfruit will do too. and mandarin oranges. and strawberries. and bananas, sometimes. the long kind. not the tiny ones. and dark red cherries. and sometimes, creamy durians. and mangoes.

you get the idea.

i'd always found it funny that people from new zealand should be known as some kind of fruit, though. imagine if people started calling singaporeans aah... papayas, or mangosteen. or... i dunno. i was talking to a german friend the other day, and i realised how lucky we are in the tropics to get such a variety of fruits! up in stone-cold germany, they only get ther usual apples, pears, oranges! gosh! and freshly-squeezed juice is so expensive. but for people from such countries, it is difficult for them to grasp the idea of a $1.50 glass of sugar-cane juice with lemon. such simple pleasures.

fall back

autumn is here. i remember watching in america and the little girl corrected her dad, saying that it was Fall. i prefer autumn. sounds... more cosy. my first autumn in australia. aaah. i know that about 1 week ago, the first official day of winter was declared. but i don't care. i still think it's autumn. the weather still acts as if it thinks it's autumn. there are lovely cold crisp sunny days and still golden leaves on the ground. it is funny for it to get dark at 4pm, so that takes a bit of getting used to. but i like the cosy feeling of being indoors, drinking warm creamy soup and eating warm food. it's just a very... indescribably warm feeling i NEVER get in the heat and humidity of singapore!

i think warmth alludes to a state of mind. which is regulated by a state of emotions. or is it the other way around? whichever it is, it's a feeling i get a lot during christmas (another feeling that's prevalent particularly is one of cynicism), but not during chinese new year. it's one i get with close friends, sometimes. it's one i might associate with a huggable pet, like a cat or dog (as opposed to a mouse or bird or lizard). and then it's a feeling i associate with autumn, with its golden leaves and warm soups, with my scarves and long if-i'm-in-singapore-i'll-be-ah-lian socks.

i've heard many people say that of all the seasons, they love autumn the most. and now i think i understand why.

back down for a bit

the past 2 weeks have been slightly tumultuous.

i know people usually don't like reading a detailed account of others' lives (since i'm not famous or anything) but i'll just jot (i love that word! jot! jotter book!) down bits of it so i can remember later on.

cons' visit 21-29 may
- haven't received that horrible fine yet... am beginning to suspect that flash from the speed camera was meant for somebody else.
- cons brought us to loads of lovely places, but it was such a shame i had to stay home most times to prepare for the review.
- this was also the week we ate out most often. out of my 4 mths in melbs, i think i gained the most weight in this 1 week.
- i was taught a new way of getting home from the city: i LOVE 100km/h freeways!
- watched star wars episode 3. so-so only.

graduate research weekend 27-29 may
- very jittery. i know cuz i had diarrhoea. and i get diarrhoea when i get nervous.
- had quite an alrite review, considering it's a first. my panel was large. there are usually 4 critics, but mine had 5. and 1 of them is the associate prof of the school of architecture. on hindsight, it's no wonder i had diarrhoea.
- believe that my first presentation is always jinxed, so i had a dry run with the housemate and cons the night before, so things went more smoothly the next day.
- it was a 9.30am review. the first in the morning. for a solid hour. on a sunday morning. what can be more horrible than that?
- saw my supervisor's presentation an hour after mine. kena bombed quite badly. but then again, it's not that she can't handly it, only she's bitten off more than she could chew for the time being.

sending lucifer to the workshop 30 may - 3 june
- at its 100,000km mileage, lucifer (my car lah) needed servicing. i noticed he had his moods. braking, veering off course a little, and a lack in power when going upslope.
- being a virgin at sending a car to any mechanic, i was afraid i'd get fleeced. but i was desperate as lucifer had one of his moods while going down MOUNT dandenong (note to self: it is of utmost importance that the brake can be applied to a moving vehicle going downslope. yeah.) so i couldn't put the servicing off.
- i have no idea what actually happened at the workshop, but 4 days later, i was charged $230. ok, i guess. i dunno still. think i have a blind faith in lucifer's renewed abilities after a stay at the workshop.

trip down south: wilson's promontory national park 31 may - 3 june
- 7 postgrads, 4 undergrad exchange-students present. 4 italians, 3 germans, 1 melburnian, 1 mexican, 1 spanish, 1 singaporean. united nations.
- spent $400 on groceries and $250 on alcohol on the way down. all meals were cooked at the lodge by participants. all alcohol was consumed within 3 nights.
- went for a 6-hour trek in the aussie bush. with 1 hour in between spent at a lovely cove by the sea. that makes a grand total of 7-hours of walking. oh my aching calves.
- on respective "other" days, walks lasted from 2-3 hours. mostly on undulating footpaths less than 1m-wide. and it rained. and was sunny. and humid. one after the other.
- hence i fell sick. and sprained my ankle. man, i am weak.
- i don't smoke, but my stamina is nowhere near the chainsmoking italians and spanish in the group. i think they were faster due to their longer legs. serious.

Your Birthdate: June 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

in 1 hrs' time: happy birthday to me.